Please don’t die
July 5, 2009
I am so sick and tired of hearing about Michael Jackson. It’s like everyone forgot about what a fucking weirdo he was. The Michael Jackson who made good music, and moonwalked our hearts away died when he miraculously turned into a pointy nosed white boy with a penchant for little boys. Since I’m apparently a heartless bitch for having this point of view, I want to share with the internets that I do, actually, have feelings. Here is my list of celebs, in no significant order, who if they died, would turn me into a weeping mess:
Knut the Polar Bear (once was cute and is now a killing machine – FIERCE!)
Joel McHale (cute + funny = gold)
Homer Simpson (d’oh!)
Sig Hansen (Captain of the Northwestern on Deadliest Catch – what a fucking bad ass!)
James Taylor (the man’s music makes my cold cold heart warm)
Anderson Cooper (The Coop! I saw him in person once and that silver fox’s hair sparkled like diamonds)
Spongebob Squarepants (who else can live in a pineapple under the sea?)
Any of the Real Housewives of New Jersey (those crazy bitches are the best thing that’s happened to tv in ’09)
Alright – so I only have 8 here – but I’m telling you guys, this list can go on and on and on. Who’s on your list?
Why would you even bring up Sig dying? We almost lost Phil and you have to scare me like that?
i know…poor philly-poo. i felt bad for the relief skipper when phil couldn’t fish. man, he totally sucked.